Going To An Oscars After Party? Better Dress Like An Idiot.

The good news is that the Oscars don’t stop when the curtain falls. Oh no. There are after parties, and I had no intention of staying up late enough on Sunday night to blog about them for Monday. That means that we get two Oscar posts: one for the important, badly dressed people who were there, and one for everyone who went to the after-parties.

The bad–or good, if you’re me–news is that while the Oscars themselves had some excellent dresses, the after-parties had some seriously questionable decision making.

Brace for impact, this post is going to be LONG.

We start with Bonnie Wright, continuing to prove that she does not know what looks good on her body. I have also yet to find out who she’s wearing, but since it’s unflattering, weirdly printed, and has an unnecessary peplum, I may assume the worst until proven otherwise.

But seriously, this is awful.

I like her short hair, and I like her sensible shoes. Everything else is unbearably bad. The print is bad, the cut is bad, the combination is bad, and the overall look is therefore REALLY bad. The only good news is that I don’t think it’s Stella. The bad news is that someone else then came up with that mess of an outfit. Ugh.

Meryl Streep’s daughter Mamie Gummer wore what would happen if Project Runway tried to reinvent the Toga Party.

I hate pretty much everything about that outfit. I REALLY hate the nude shoe that is a different nude from her skin tone.

Then Hailee Steinfeld crawled out of Valentino’s couture collection for Hot Topic.

I’m confused by everything about that look, particularly the part where it’s on a teenager. Although given that she is a teenager, maybe she is expressing her feelings by wearing something sad, unflattering, frumpy, and like something you’d find in a couture reenactment of the funeral parlour scene from Oliver!. Awkward.

Anne Hathaway, meanwhile, pulled off a double-whammy by wearing a St. Laurent sack.

What is the point of having a direct line to couturiers if you’re just going to wear a giant sack?

Speaking of giant sacks and direct lines to couturiers, even Diane Kruger is not pulling off this inexplicably baggy Giambattista Valli dress.

I’m not okay with that dress.

Five disasters is enough for one day. Depending on how strongly I still feel tomorrow morning about Chris Brown being both badly dressed AND a raging asshole and some of the other Oscar disasters such as Zooey Deschanel being completely washed out by the saddest Valentino dress I’ve seen this week, we may keep the Oscars recap going onto a third day.  Have a good Tuesday.

(Photo Credits: JustJared)